A few months ago (I am a slow thick headed learner sometimes), I was preparing for an interview. Naturally, I sought advice and admittedly some of it was really good but some of it was really bad. The one thing that I maintained was that I wanted to get the scholarship because of who I am and not because I shaped myself and my words to fit what they wanted. Perhaps it was my honesty policy, perhaps it just felt too slimy, or perhaps I simply wanted to know that the person that I am is worthy of a scholarship... who knows why I do the things I do sometimes. I didn't realize it then but God was teaching me something, something I didn't even realize until last night (again I am a really slow learner sometimes)....
I have a friend who is speaking in front of a large group of people today and as I was thinking about her and praying on her behalf I was recalling my own experiences of speaking in public. The racing thoughts, pounding heart, sweaty palms, random fidgetty bursts. Even as some one who competes in public speaking, it is a really scary thing to do. Especially when you are speaking in front of a crowd that knows who you are and you are sharing something so personal. I wanted to offer her something, some small piece of support but there was this part of my heart that was saying "you have nothing to offer, nothing she could possibly want, you cannot pray with her via an email – she would be weirded out by that. If you offer her this support she won't want to be your friend." I didn't know what to do. Finally I decided to offer anyways, chose to believe that she would appreciate it. So I sent her an email with a small prayer in it, as it turns out she did appreciate it and if it weirded her out then she didn't tell me.
This is what I learned: I had to offer myself. There is nothing more or less than who I am. It is the greatest gift I could possibly give. I don't say this arrogantly with the idea that I am the most awesome person in the world, I say it thinking realistically about what is in my realm of capabilities. Of course I could have sent her some card or something, but the greatest gift I could offer her was my support and my prayers. Similarly, in my interview, I could have offered fake words that attempted to manipulate things to my advantage, that might even have succeeded in manipulating things to my advantage. I made the greater offer, I offered myself.
The truth is, it is a risk to offer ourselves because if that self is rejected... well we assume that, that rejection devalues our character. Like somehow, in that rejection, we become less. But we don't, not really. Our value is not composed of human opinion, and therefore human rejection cannot depreciate our value. When we stand as confidant and triumphant sons and daughters of God we don't need to offer masks or fake words, we can offer of ourselves, our true selves.
So how does offering of your true self make your life bolder? I don't honestly know... but I do know that it made my friends world better, I know it won me a scholarship that I know that I "deserved." And when we spend our lives living as our true selves we never have to worry about what people "really" think about us.
That's all for now folks!
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