Friday, December 23, 2011

Step Eighty-Nine: Father Lessons

Dear Readers,

This Christmas I've been thinking a lot about fathers. I could probably write a whole book on the shortcomings of my biological father. These flaws have been at the forefront of my mind lately. In part I'm finally mourning and expressing anger towards my father. This is good. If this is where you are, please don't hear me saying otherwise! The mourning process is so incredibly necessary. It is natural to mourn when we have been wounded or disappointed. Yet, I found myself letting those same hurts taking over my holiday. I found myself watching, waiting for that familiar old note of disaster to strike. It was as if, in my crusade to "win back" my holidays from my old wounds I was watching this holiday slip through my fingers. That fact hit me tonight as my mentor family and I went off to see Christmas lights. I could write many blogs on my biological father's inadequacy but tonight I want to tell you about my dad and how he is helping me to re-create Christmas.

Having grown up in Colorado with snow and freezing temperatures, having practically lived my winters out in gloves and beanies, this 75ยบ California weather just doesn't seem Christmas-y enough. So in an effort to put myself into "the spirit" I decided to wear my winter beanie anyways. Their two young boys (A and E) decided to wear their hats as well. We had made hot cocoa and we were all loading into the car when my dad walked out. He was wearing one of A's larger beanies. It is this ridiculous (and cute) lime green hat with two frog eyes on top. Without having told any of the family my reasoning, they had all jumped into my hat idea. As I watched my dad climb into the car, I realized that is what dad's are for.

Dad's wait in the car for over an hour so we can see the best Christmas lights in town. They go shopping with you even though they know you could have gone alone. They give you advice about boy's and dating and school. They get you things simply because you want them. They watch girly movies and, yes, they take a ridiculous number of pictures. They're willing to set boundaries to protect you. They are uncompromising in your inclusion in family events, even if it bothers others. Most of all, they take care of you. I have an excellent dad.

Do you know what is even more beautiful than re-creating Christmas? Getting a new look at the heart of God. These are some of the lessons my dad has taught me about the Lord:
  • He cares. Whether you're discussing the love story within Zombieland, talking potential future grad school options, or telling Him about your crush, He cares. Deeply. He wants to know the details. When you talk, He gives you this playful smile, encouraging you to continue. He enjoys hearing what you have to say. (I wonder if truly believing this would change our prayer lives?!)
  • He is interactive. Whether it's eating a good meal together or pushing hot wheels down a dare devil's loop-de-loop track, He's there, passing the salt or elevating the final launch pad for optimum awesome-ness. He wants to be involved even if it means letting you pick the rom-com as the night's movie choice.
  • He enjoys you. This is a new one for me. I never realized before that dad's actually enjoy their time with their kids. That they relish it, delight in it, seek out more of it. It is an incredible lesson. To think the Lord enjoys me the same way my dad enjoys ice cream runs... that the Lord sees me as His companion even in those simple ways... it brings a whole new light.
  • His love is unconditional. It does not stop. Not when you wear the least sensible shoes nor when you make devastating mistakes. It does not pause at the scars on your wrists, nor does it linger on your past abuse. It is constant. Persistant. Even when you are shutting down and shutting out. It is a safety net which allows you to dive into the darkest parts of your heart because you know it will walk with you, ready with open arms any time you need them.

I am grateful for my dad. I am thankful for the lessons he is teaching me through fatherhood. Mostly, I love that he is mine. Thanks Dad! :) You know who you are!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Step Eighty-Eight: Awakening

Dear Readers,

Sometimes I feel as if the Lord awakens us to life. Songs we heard a hundred times, sights we'd seen a thousand times, but then He moves and it is as if our eyes and ears are experiencing those once familiar sensations anew. It astounds me. How sweet and tender He is, how beautiful He is making me. :)