Step Fifty-Two: Universally Weak

Dear Readers,

I have my bed somewhat lofted, so that I have some storage space, a place for my dresser and then a hide-y hole. I also happen to keep my printer there for pluggage reasons. So today I crawled over the growing mound of dirty clothes (which usually spans across the entirety of my half and occasionally my room-mates) and into the hide-y hole to print a paper. One of my friends, watched me disappear beneath my bed and commented on the coolness of my hide out. I laughed and replied that it was pretty nifty and perfect for crying in (hey, don't judge me for crying in dark closed spaces). She frowned slightly and said "do you know where else is perfect for crying?" She patted her shoulder. Cheesiness aside, I would have tackle hugged her (except for the desk, dresser, and stinky heap between us). Intentionally or unintentionally, my friend reminded me of a lesson I seem to be incapable of remembering. She reminded me of the importance of being universally weak.

You see, we are all weak. And we all cry. Some of us choose to do it in dark closed spaces, others of us overcompensate, and still others of us pretend that the dribbling drops of hot salty water pouring down are face aren't tears at all. We are ashamed. We are embarrassed. But there is no reason to be! None of us are perfect and we are all too familiar with the racking sobs. We can hide these faults or blatantly and ignorantly ignore their existence, or we can use them for their original intention: to bring us into community with one another.

Think about this for a moment. As cheesy as the shoulder-to-cry-on image is, it is also very intimate. It is two people choosing to place themselves in a position of discomfort for the sake of another. The crier has to reveal what society demands is to be hidden forever, our weakness, our shame. The shoulder is not only choosing to be covered in snot (ew) but is choosing to enter into that most sacred place of grieving with the crier. They are binding themselves physically and emotionally to the crier so that the two become one. In essence, both are choosing trust and in doing so they are building community.

I know I have told you this before, and I will probably say it many times more because it is of that much importance. Community is everything. You cannot do life alone, but the beauty of community is that neither can they. So let us all learn to be like my precious friend. Let us learn to offer to join those in mourning, let us choose to trust and choose to build. Let us be universally weak so that we may become individually strong.

Step Fifty-One: Be Loved

Dear Readers,

I think to this point, the best part about college has been being completely engulfed in the love of my Father and the love of the women all around me.

To be surrounded by these girls has been one of the most uplifting and encouraging experiences I have ever had the pleasure of partaking in. They are full of words of encouragement and praise. They want nothing more than to speak words of adoration.

I have had so much fun with them. They challenge me to be a kid in ways I never thought possible. For example, today we had a power outage. I am terrified of the dark. A power outage is the worst imaginable scenario for me. But what do my lovely wing mates decide to do?! They take a flashlight into the pitch dark bathroom and start telling "ghost stories" (which, of course, really means we were all just cracking up in the bathroom). They brought me out of my initial fear and invited me to do something very childlike. It was awesome.

But all of their efforts would be worthless if I could not accept them. I had to learn how to open my heart to the girls in my wing, I had to choose to trust them. I had to choose to let them love me. I had to chose to be loved.

I'd be willing to bet that someone somewhere is trying to love on you. I challenge you to accept their love. To marvel and delight in it. To simply enjoy it. Because you are worthwhile. You are loveable. And people want to love you, so let them.

Step Fifty: Blessings Return

Dear Readers,

Today I was reminded of a very important lesson – blessings return.

We all know that college kids are poor. Even the ones who have jobs still only make minimum wage working minimum hours (no complaints here, though) and still have a bunch of expenses (books aren't cheap, and neither is tuition) so whenever and whatever we give is given with sacrifice. We are not widows who struggle for food, but we do understand the idea behind taking a leap of faith, trusting Him to provide even when we cannot see how.

Last week, I made an evaluation of my finances. I had just enough to cover my expenses until pay day. So long as I was frugal and cautious I would have no reason to fret. At this point, I started talking with a friend about an upcoming event going on at campus. As we were talking, God impressed it on my heart to give her money. I protested (its thinking back on moments like this that I am truly grateful that God values patience so highly). I argued that I only had enough to cover my expenses and if I gave money away then I wouldn't be able to pay them. As is typical when I argue with God, I lost. So off to the bank I went.

It was an amazing gift to give. Not only did it bind me ever closer to her sweet heart, but it also was an amazing act of worship. I knowingly and purposefully jumped off the edge of a cliff just to see what God would do. I thought it was an amazing thing to have been blessed by simply partaking in the process! I mean how cool is it that God would use me to make someone else smile?! Today I went to check my mail box, low and behold I had a letter containing a check with more than triple of that which I gave my friend. It was totally unexpected and completely mind-blowing.

Blessings return two fold, three fold, one-hundred and one-thousand fold. I was blessed first and foremost by partaking in God's process of loving another. I got to act on God's behalf, to offer on God's behalf, so that one of His own might know that they are loved (yes, I am talking to you now dear). Then, as if acting on behalf of the Creator of All isn't enough, He returned those finances.

So here is my advice, do not hesitate to bless others with what you have, for no deed and no gesture goes unnoticed by Him. He will never fail to return those blessings to you in quantities far exceeding your own capabilities!

Step Forty-Nine: Be Spontaneous

Dear Readers,

I am coming to accept that if you want to live a bold life, you have to be spontaneous. Now, don't get me wrong, I love plans. Plans are good. But if you cling so drastically to your plans that you do not allow for spontaneity, life will be boring. It just will be. So what does it mean to be spontaneous?

It means randomly doing something crazy and fun, like dying your hair pink! That's right, you are now taking advice from a pink haired college kid! On Thursday our R.A. was dying one of the girl's hair in the dorm red, she had left over bleach and a bunch of colors so a huge groups of us decided we wanted to dye our hair too! We started at mid-night and laughed ourselves into exhaustion until 3 in the morning! Crazy? Yes! Fun? Most definitely! If I had gone to bed, as I had planned, instead of saying "I'm gonna do it!" then my entire college experience would be completely different, but because I was able to scrap my original plan I had an amazing opportunity to get to know some amazing women!

But it also means randomly choosing to act in love. That means dropping everything to crawl into grass you are allergic to, to hold a friend who is crying. It means baking amazingly delicious cookies for a friend whose heart is breaking. It even means randomly delivering a princess wand to a beautiful woman who needs some inspiration. You see love is in its very own nature is spontaneous, it is not planned. When we cling to our plans, we limit our ability to love.

My challenge for you is to become aware. Opportunities for spontaneity are all around you, all you have to do is say "yes"!

Step Forty-Eight: Home

Dear Readers,

I am learning a lot at college. We're talking mass intake of Old Testament stories, Biological systems central to any living creature, the building of massive structures by ancient civilizations... but what I am learning most about is God. What I find most amazing is how God is redefining words, He is literally taking words out of the context with which I associated, knew and understood them and He is radically redefining them. Let me share a few examples:

Homework – up until this point, homework has been busy work. Especially in my honors courses. It was worksheets you were expected to do, that "guided" your learning but really was just a waste of time for both you and the teacher. Now, teachers assign reading. In fact the word homework is practically synonymous with the word reading (with the exception of the occasional paper).

Fruit – Coloradans don't know what good fruit is. It is a heart breaking fact. Fresh, ripe, delicious fruit does not exist in Colorado. I have a quickly expanding list of fruits that I adore here in California and I am so excited about that!

But these are both lighter examples, and much to our dismay, God rarely stays "light." God is about the heavy stuff. He deals with matters of the heart. And the heavy word we have been redefining? Home.

In part, this is an obvious word to redefine. I am 1000+ miles away from what I used to call home, obviously I am redefining "home." But it goes so far beyond that! The dictionary defines home as "the dwelling place" and lists words like "refuge" and "shelter" as synonyms. Home is a place of tremendous safety, at least it should be.

While attending Jessup, I have friends who have become my pseudo-parents. These friends have brought me into their home, adopted me into their family, and blessed me with their unconditional love. It has completely redefined the word "home" for me. It delights my heart to return home for the weekend to their house. It is amazing to have their children run to me in excitement, just wanting a hug. It is astounding to be delighted in as a child in my very own home.

But God has revealed to me another amazing thing about home. Home is not a noun, it's a verb. That is to say, "home" is not a location, it is a condition. It is a condition of your heart. When your heart rests, unfolding itself peacefully in the knowledge that all is well. When your heart begins to unveil its beauty naturally, willing to be delighted in by those around it. That is home. It is a place that goes with you wherever you go. There are places in the world that mirrors this condition, places that evoke you to feel at peace. There are people in the world who invite us into this condition with them, who invite us to unveil our beauty.

So this is my challenge to you, go home this week. Regardless of where you are, what home looks like for you personally, or your physical location. Go home. Entice your heart and the hearts of those around you to find peace. Invite them to reveal the beauty that is budding inside of them. I invite you to live from the condition of home this week. Live within peace and beauty and watch it radically change your life, you will not be disappointed.