Step Seventy-Eight: Just Ask Him

Dear Readers,

Don't be afraid to ask the Lord what He thinks of you, chances are He thinks more highly of you than you know.

My Sunrise Serenade

I love you.
My love stretches across the horizon
in hues of pink and purple
every day.
My love unfolds on petal's fringe
and in the morning lark's song.
My love surrounds you
each and every day.
It fills you more fully than the air you breathe.
With every beat of your heart,
my affection grows.
I love you more in this moment
than I have in any moment yet,
though it brings you to your knees,
though tears well in your eyes,
though you feel weak and weary
afraid to go on,
My love is with you.
It has NEVER left you.
It will endure
far longer than these trials you are facing.
It will persist long after
the dust of your bones have blown away.
I love you. You ARE my precious daughter.
You ARE captivating.
You ARE sweet.
You ARE wonderful.
I beg of you, dear child, open your eyes this morning,
watch as the sun kisses horizon’s lip,
watch while I paint you a sunrise serenade,
watch the colors spring to life
as they stretch across the dawn gray sky.
I beg of you, dear child, open your heart to me this day
I am longing to shower you with love
I am longing to have you dance upon my feet.
I beg of you, dear child, let me catch your tears.
You’ve been crying for so long,
let me wipe your tears away,
and return your sweet smile.
I love you. You are mine. I will never lose you.

Step Seventy-Seven: The Beauty of Darkness

Dear Readers,

I decided to get creative on you and write a blog inside a song. The song is entitled "Everything is Beautiful" by Anne Marie Boskovich.

"I would not be here tonight, if I had to choose."

How often I have thought these words,

how often I would have passed my cup,

exchanged it for something sweeter.

How often I would have exchanged darkness for light.

"It's always the bigger things in life, that seem to choose you."

"I'm buried in the questions, I can't find the answers."

Lost in the depths of my past,

searching for reasons that can't be found.

Sifting through the pain of my yesterdays,

"I close my eyes and listen, 'till I remember."

"Everything is beautiful, beautiful."

Beauty pours from my lovers mouth,

with the grace of shifting flames,

His glory dances in this darkness.

"If somewhere love exists, you can wrap your arms around it."

"Can you hear me now?"

I've felt so alone for so long

but I'm finally learning how to celebrate.

how to rejoice in His beautiful darkness.

"Close your eyes and listen until you remember."

"You don't need the answers."

Some answers can't be found,

some reasons don't exist,

but beauty dwells even in this darkness,

"Just close your eyes and remember."

"Everything is beautiful."

From bended knees, praises rise

illuminating darkness so that you may see

"Everything is beautiful here."

There is such beauty in darkness when what you see is open to interpretation.

Step Seventy-Six: A New Metaphor

Dear Readers,

I wrote this blog a few months ago. I felt very much like a pebble amongst a basket full of jewels. I waited patiently and hopefully, eagerly anticipating the moment I felt like a jewel amongst the jewels. A friend told me that this summer was making me into a jewel amongst a basket full of jewels. In this moment, God gave me a new metaphor. I am a pebble but I am a pebble in the hand of God and that is far better than any jewel in a basket.

Jewels are stones. We forget that but they are. Size wise they are actually pebbles themselves. They sparkle a bit more than the average pebble but that's all. There is nothing about a jewel that gives itself value. A jewel gets it's value by being bought. A jewel left unpaid for in a basket is worth as much as any other pebble.

I became a jewel 6 years ago. 6 years ago I looked at a wooden cross hanging in our church and I said yes. I was bought back. I was bought as a very expensive pebble. God gave His only son to buy me back. Though I did not sparkle, though I was not radiant, I became a jewel in that moment. It was finished then. I could not become worth more, I could not be valued higher. I was, at that moment, all I could be.

The beauty of our Savior is that He allows a pure and holy God to pick up defiled pebbles and turn them into jewels.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Step Seventy-Five: Praise Him for He is Faithful

Dear Readers,

God is faithful. He is faithful to provide, faithful to protect, faithful to love. I often need reminding of this but He is even faithful to remind.

This has been my breath of life and constant hope lately: God is faithful. Though I am afraid, though I am hurting, though it is dark all around me, God is faithful. He is faithful to use my fear, He is faithful to heal my hurt, and He is faithful to shine in even the darkest nights.

This doesn't make things easier, but it gives it purpose. It is liquid courage and keeps me going when all else fails.

So I praise Him. I praise Him in fear, I praise Him in hurt, and I praise Him in the middle of the night when nightmares pursue and terror triumphs. Praise Him for He is faithful.