Step Seven: ___(It's a Surprise!)___

Dear Readers,

Let's call this my warning label: I wrote this after watching a cheesily inspirational movie (The Blind Side) at midnight.

Scene 1: 

There's this totally hot celebrity, of sorts, and he is just chillaxin' with a few of his peeps and some paparazzi is following him taking pictures like mad. They are strolling down Hollywood Boulevard (or some other place like that) and out of no where this disgusting vile looking man pops out! He's got these oozing pussy scabs just covering his body and the crowds they all scream in disgust and take off (or look the other way or something). Now the diseased man falls down at this celebrities feet and says "you can heal me." Now the celebrity looks at the man and touches his shoulder and says "you are healed." And suddenly the man's flesh begins to heal and it's like the disease is rewinding itself, the puss oozing backwards, the scabs... un-scabbing, and the next thing you know this healthy handsome young man is at the celebrity's feet. Now the celebrity says "shhh run along and give thanks, but don't tell anyone but the priests." (Matthew 8:1-4)

Scene 2:

Sitting off to the side, in an alley way sit two blind beggars. Once more our celebrity and his crowd of followers come strolling past. The two cry out "Have mercy on us!" But this time the crowd shoos them away, who is their celebrity to be associating with such filth! But now the two beggars are even more persistent and their cries are louder than that of the crowds (I like to think that celebrities exist in this world of hushed silences sometimes) and once more they scream "Have mercy on us!" Finally the celebrity stops and he asks "What do you want from me? What could I do for you?" The two beggars, now commanding the entire attention of the crowd say in unison "we want you to give us our sight." So the celebrity touched their eyes and PRESTO prehistoric contacts! So the two men stood up and joined in with the hushed crowd supporters. (Matthew 20: 29-34)

Scene 3: 

Now once more our celebrity is surrounded by people, everyone is pressing in on him, jostling and pushing him just to get a glimpse. One very brave (or very foolish) woman pushes her way through the crowd trying to reach the celebrity. She had been bleeding for twelve whole years and no amount of priests or doctors had been able to help, she was getting desperate. So she drew close to our famous friend and very gently she brushes his cloak, sinking back into the crowd as she feels her body mending. Now our celebrity, a very wise and self-aware man, whips around and asks "who touched me?" Everyone jumps back, and finally one of his close friend whispers in one of those supposedly-soothing-but-really-condescending-with-implications-hinting-at-your-sanity-or-lack-there-of "uhh...  dude we are in a crowd of people, anyone could have bumped you...." But the celebrity says "uh-uh I know what I felt, who touched me?" The woman has been watching all of this, terrified, trying to decide if he could really know or if she oughta just book it outta there. Finally she moves forward and trembling and falls at his feet, in a quivering voice she explains in front of everyone what she had gone through and that she had merely sought healing. The celebrity looks down at her and says "Your faith has healed you. Go in peace." (Luke 8:42-48) 

What do all these things have in common?!?! Aside from the whole healing, Jesus, bible thing? These people expected miracles. In scene one the leper says to Jesus 'I know you have the ability, I know that it is perfectly within your capabilities to heal me, so are you willing?" In scene two, after the blind men have Jesus's attention they pray boldly (extra points for bringing in an old blog reference?!?!) and they lay it out on the table and say 'give us our sight.' They know full and well that He is perfectly capable and they don't dilly-dally around with hoping for's and wishing on's – they simply expect Him to answer. In scene three, the woman doesn't even want to speak to Jesus, she just wants to touch Him, why?!?! Because she knows that merely touching Him will heal her.

There are a million and one ways to make a wish (wishing on a shooting star, 11:11, and blowing out birthday candles to name a few) and when you "hope for" something it could be a broad range of things... perhaps you are hoping for a large tax return, or prince (or princess) charming, perhaps you hope to play pro-four square or you hope to get into Harvard. Now-a-days hope is almost as general as a wish, but what I've found is those kinds of hopes and dreams and wishes only sometimes come true, let's be honest when was the last time kissing that frog turned him into prince charming?!?! The yield just isn't very high. 

So part two: when expecting miracles, evaluate. Expecting a frog to morph into a prince probably isn't going to yield anything better than hope, in fact chances are the number of little jumpy fellows you are kissing is probably gonna drastically increase (okay so it got hit by a car, what's a little bit of guts to the luscious locks of McDreamy?!?). Instead my challenge to you is evaluate what you really and truly need in your life. Now I know this seems a little contradictory, evaluation is about realism and miracles... well you may not have noticed but miracles aren't... but part of the amazing thing about all the miracles that Jesus performed is that they were need based. In my studies of the bible, Jesus never gives anyone the golden ticket to tour the Willy Wonka candy factory (mmmm chocolate river), He never spills the secret of who's going to dominate in the gladiator arena, no! All of His miracles are, first and foremost, practical (okay so maybe the whole walking on water thing was kind of showing off, but He had to get to the boat somehow, if you were God of the universe wouldn't you show off too?). Water to wine for some poor family friends = practical. Healing of lepers = practical. Healing of the blind, mute, deaf, dumb, demon possessed, and paralyzed = all very practical. All of these people had genuine needs, needs that they expected Jesus to meet. So what I'm saying is... be practical but expect miracles. Don't ask God to fill things in your life that aren't genuine (like Zac Effron learning how to sing) but expect him to answer those prayers which really do have a place (like finding money for groceries). 

So... that's it... expect miracles for all them practical prayers. = ) 

p.s. I'll try to keep these things shorter in the future... and less tangent filled. = D 

Step Six: Be Sensitive

Dear Readers,

Have you ever had a friend randomly pop into your head? And then once you've thought about them you can't get them out? Or perhaps have you ever just felt that something was wrong or bothering a friend even though you have no idea why you felt that way? I like to think of these feelings as my "spidey senses. " See I think God tickles our spidey senses when He is calling us to action, that is, when He has something particular in mind for us to do on behalf of our friends. 

I don't know how but humans, especially friends, seem to have this core connection. Perhaps this is the thing that enables us to love so deeply, or perhaps it is that special "connection" that we seem to feel in the presence of particular people. Needless to say, it exists and I truly believe it is something to listen to. 

So the next time that friend pops into your head, ask the Lord what He wants you to do. Perhaps you need simply pray for them, perhaps you ought to call or email them and let them know you are thinking of them, perhaps He will move you to treat them to coffee or lunch. No matter what the call is, I urge you to listen to Him. Not only will you bless your friend and tickle their heart, you will also bless yourself. Just think back to a time in which you acted selflessly and were able to make a difference in someone's day... didn't it make you feel pleased? When we choose to live selflessly, we put our life into perspective. Once we've done that we realize that we have the choice to make a difference in the world, even small ones like making friends smile, and then we are truly living to our full potential.

So learn to be sensitive to your spidey senses, and in turn your friends.

Step Five: Learn Dependency

Dear Readers, 

Society tells us that we need to be independent, that anyone who has a need ought to be taking care of it themselves and that anyone who cannot take care of themselves is weak and pathetic. We prize those who are able to isolate themselves, we consider them strong and brave, worthy of idolization. However what we don't realize is that the entirely independent person hasn't been taught this life skill necessary for success and happiness, they have learned to be fearful and that the only person worthy of trust is themselves. Living a purely independent life is crippling to a bold life. 

We are back at this idea of risk. Living independently is safe, it is easy, and it is boring! But learning to live with dependency is learn to live boldly. See other people can fail, other people can not catch you, they can refuse to help you and when you ask another person to be there for you, they will inevitably at some point in time fail and that hurts. But think about a time someone has really come through for you – how did it make you feel? When people do pull through on our behalf it builds our confidence and it encourages our relationships, in fact you could argue that dependency is one of the key factors to a relationship. If we never depend on our friends, they start to feel useless and un-needed and before we realize what has happened our entire relationship has disappeared. 

Now I'm not encouraging an unhealthy kind of dependency. But we have to learn to balance our independence with some amount of dependence. 

Step Three AND Step Four (oooh aren't I impressive?!?!)

Dear Readers,

Step 3: Be "In the Moment"

Today on the flight home there were two girls my age or a little older. They were obviously friends and I realized they were both texting! I mean, we are getting ready to take off and they are texting away! The reality is that their interaction happened entirely between text messages! And after we took off they both put in head phones and stared in completely opposite directions! Come on!!! 3 hours of uninterrupted talking time and you want to listen to Justin Burper and Lady Gagme?!?! 

My heart actually broke a little as I realized that many of us do the exact same thing. Our relationships are forced to exist between the next 3 minute pop song and the next text message. How sorrowful that our technology is of higher priority than our relationships! So here is my challenge – if you want to live bold, you have to be present. So when you go out for coffee or lunch, put the phone or ipod away... the technological world can wait for an hour. When you are at home with your family, leave the computer monitor and the television off... the newest web story and the breaking news will be on again at 10pm. When you are in the car with your kids or siblings, turn the radio off... its amazing how much you learn about a person's heart in fifteen minutes! Technology is fantastic but we are letting it take priority in our life and that's just not right! So learn to be fully present in the moment, learn to truly be with another person, and don't let all that tech-y stuff distract you! 

Now I don't pretend like I have this down, I don't. In fact, there are times I deliberately use my technology to look busy so I won't have to socialize, so I won't have to be bothered with the task of actually paying attention and caring about the world and the people around me. I am learning. But I do know, when I look back on my life with God and He is pointing out all the awesome moments that I missed because someone just texted me and I just "have" to answer it! 

Step 4: Make It Into a Game (bonus points for the inclusion of bodily functions!) 

As a babysitter, the ultimate goal of the night is to get the kids into bed without having any serious injuries, fights, or temper tantrums. The easiest way to accomplish this is to make everything into a game. You have to eat your green beans – now we are in the rain forest and these green snakes are the only food we have left! You have to brush your teeth – who can hold the most toothpaste bubbles in their mouths without laughing? You have to take a bath – hmm does someone need a bath cause it sure is stinky!!! See 9 times out of 10 if you look like you are having fun doing it and you can get the kid to laugh about the task, your battle is won (for the remaining 10% scare tactics usually work... just kidding! =] ). Today as three worn out adults (myself included) fought one energetic but angry little boy to be quiet during the air planes decent, I witnessed something awesome: when we looked out the window and pretended to be excited about how close the ground was, the little boy went quiet (granted this didn't fix the ultimate problem but it helped). See, I think kids might be smarter than we are... why do we do things that we don't like? And more importantly, why aren't we making what we do fun? Some things just have to be done (like wearing deodorant) and they aren't always the most thrilling of chores but we have control of our actions and attitudes, so change your 'tude dude and make it fun (you don't just put on deodorant, you draw pictures in your pits ['cause that's not creepy at all!!!])! So my second challenge: think of something you don't enjoy and then make it into a game – let your creative senses roam and remember that you choose your 'tude and even chores can be made fun!

Alas my good friends, it is time to "hit" the "sack." Good night all!

Step Two: Seek Relentlessly and Ask Openly

Dear Reader,

A while back I realized my personal prayer life was faltering, I just could not get my heart or mind to focus. I would set aside 30 minutes for prayer and by the time I actually got my mind and heart in the same frame of mind I would only have 5 minutes left for prayer. I was frustrated and flummoxed, for an 18 year old girl growing up in the give-me-it-now generation, I'd say I have a decent amount of concentration. I just could not figure out what was going on inside of me and I certainly do not like my body doing things I don't have control over! During this A.D.H.D. spell I heard a sermon, I cannot remember the actual topic but I do remember the man was talking about prayer. More specifically he was talking about the how to of prayer. 

This man began to talk about prayer as a tangible. As Christians, this man and I both had the same problem--prayer is often considered a... well this unspoken, unseen, movement. Perhaps a feeling. So the man began to talk about this wooden beaded rosary he had bought (he was not catholic) to give his prayer life some tangibility. He also spoke about other techniques (such as meditating or walking) to help focus, but for whatever reason the rosary idea stuck with me (perhaps it is the image I have of my grammy and grampy praying the rosary). I decided to seek out a rosary of my own, and so for my trip to California I was determined to find and buy a rosary (why it had to be in California, I have no idea). I searched every bead stand we passed in San Francisco (which, if you have ever been to San Francisco, you know is a lot) as well as every non-target, non-walmart store we crossed. No dice. Finally, tonight, my last night, my mentor asked a family friend if she happened to know where we could buy a rosary. The woman opened her purse and pulled out a gorgeous blue and silver rosary and placed it in my hands. She said she had several rosaries and that this was one that simply traveled with her and that she would be honored to give it to me. Now I sit with it intertwined in my fingers and I am realizing that my search for a rosary taught me many lessons: 

1. I didn't need a rosary to pray, I needed to change the way I thought about praying. I lost myself in the ideology that prayer is about feeling and moving hearts, which it is, but it is also about obedience and sacrifice. Sometimes prayer is a deeply moving emotional and spiritual experience in which your heart is overwhelmed, and sometimes prayer is a ritual, a habit, a routine and concealed somewhere within the discipline and consistency is a change of heart. Perhaps, it is even that, that discipline and habitual nature is meant to be the movement.  Perhaps in the sacrificing of our time, our desires and whims, and even our words, we grow and we change... 
2. A bold life, a grand adventure, a good relationship all require that we seek relentlessly – that is without end. Just as I combed the bead seller's stalls in San Francisco, a bold life calls us to seek after something without ceasing, as does a good story, or even a good relationship (with either humans or God). Our life is all about the "search." Think about it honestly, could you not think of something you are looking for or searching for or seeking after or even simply wanting (the simple English way of saying "looking") something? In the last week, I can name five things I have sought after. I am always searching. There is probably some Freudian-mumbo-jumbo or philosophical non-sense that would say that this is a sign of incompleteness in my life, but I would say that, that search is a calling and since this is Lee's blog and not Freud's I am going to write about it like I am right (yay)! Our constant seeking is testament to the stories we all desire to lead. Any good story has to have a main purpose and if you think about those purposes, they are all about quests and searches. The search for the perfect man (or woman), the quest to discover one's identity, the search for treasure or the lottery, the quest to save ones gym, the search for friendship or belonging... it goes on and on and on. In fact, I'd be willing to bet there isn't a single movie in existence that doesn't involve some amount of a search somewhere within the plot or sub-plot. So here is my advice: once you know what you are looking for, seek relentlessly. That's not to say obsess over it, but don't give in when you don't find it immediately, keep searching and let the adventure unfold... you never know when some kind stranger may make it all worth while (and worth blogging about too)! 
3. Don't be afraid to ask other's to join you in your search. We all know that life is better when we have other's beside us, but so often society makes searching into a bad thing – a sign of weakness. Suddenly we are isolating ourself, refusing to allow anyone to help and refusing to offer our help. However, had I not spoken of my quest for the rosary (the next Monty Python movie?!?!) to my mentor, the kind woman would never have heard and I would be flying home rosary-less. Through my courageous act of voicing my desires, and through my mentors courageous act of asking for help in meeting those desires God was able to use one woman's kindness. It all started with asking for help. However, I must warn you that in asking for help, you must also be willing to give it, to join others in their searches. 

Anywho... I hope this all makes sense, cause it's late and I am sleepy. 

Step One: Pray Boldly

Dear Readers,

So about a year ago I started thinking about what every high school senior starts to think about: what I wanted to do with "my life." (Also known as what I am going to do after high school). The what (college) was easy, the where was the bigger question, and so the search for the "right" college began. In this search I learned a few things:

1. The search for the right college is very public. It's as if the conveying of your grade is an open invitation to a game of twenty questions... in fact, life itself will not go on unless you reveal any and all places of interest, your intended major, your scholarship efforts, and whether or not you plan to live at home or in a dorm. 
2. The actual process of searching is probably one of the more asinine things in this grand ol' world. Colleges can effectively be split up six ways: two year or four year, cheap or expensive, liberal arts or science/math geared. Beyond that the prospective students are left to sift through thousands of brochures, emails, letters, phone calls, and websites to find the right college. Let's just be honest, finding the right college is one big research project. 
3. Finding the right college is worth every ounce of hard work you put in. It just is. You may sweat, cry, grow discouraged, and want your mama but finding that college that works with you and invites you to feel at home justifies all the thumb sucking. 

So after months of looking I found the college my heart desperately wanted to go to: William Jessup University. There was just one tiny problem... it was private and therefore more expensive. To say that finances are tight in my family is like calling a tornado a slight breeze. Not realizing it then, I took a risk and asked God for something He had every right to deny. 

I don't know how many of you do this, but over the past few months I realize that most of what I ask God for is easy to answer stuff, and if it doesn't happen then I can blame it on myself or some other outside factor. I don't have to risk hearing God say "no." What i mean is, my prayers usually go something like this: 

"God please bless _______", "Jesus help me pass this test", "Lord teach me patience with ______", etc. 

None of them put anything on the line. None of them take risks. All of those prayers, though important to pray, are safe. If I fail the test, it is because I didn't do or know enough. God didn't say no. What I am really saying in that instance, is that it is my inadequacy that kept me from passing, it was not God's answer. See if God's answer is no, that challenges my faith, it forces me to choose to obey and continue loving a God who didn't pass me in trigonometry. (Oh tragedy!)  

But in the summer, I came to a scary realization: there was nothing I could do that would enable me to go to Jessup. Nothing. There were simply too many obstacles. Dismayed I got down on my knees and I asked God that if this was His will for me that He would make it happen. I asked Him to give me a miracle. And as I prayed, my prayers grew ever more risky. I begged Him to move hearts to acceptance, I pleaded with Him to open doors that were nailed shut, and I beseeched Him to provide the funds to pay for it. I became vulnerable, God could say no, He could choose to send me another way and my faith and obedience would be tested. 

I prayed and I waited, until finally one-by-one heart's began to change. Not every heart, but enough of them to lend me encouragement and hope. So I sent in my application and I waited. Then I received my acceptance package and a scholarship offer and saw, still, more hearts change. Then doors and obstacles fell away, as though they weren't really there at all. Finally, in this past week I visited Jessup and I handed my admissions counselor my housing deposit. I will be attending Jessup come fall! 

While on the campus I was praying with a friend and God called me to, once more, pray boldly. He called me to ask for a full funding, so I timidly requested that He provide the full $25,000 in one way or another. Afterwards I met with financial aid and learned some very dismaying news, my financial aid application had been rejected and unless I got a parent signature I wouldn't be eligible for anything more than the scholarships I'd already received. In a matter of seconds, I convinced myself of the impossibility of the situation – my mom hates that I am going out of state and would not willingly sign anything that would make it easier for me to leave! My heart grieved! I had been bold and vulnerable and my God had disappointed me! Something inside of me mourned! I felt my dream dying quickly before my eyes... and then something inside of me said "ask again." I was repulsed! Was God some kind of mean bully? That He would have me open my heart again, so that He could stab me once more?!?! But this is my God, my Savior, my Father... I had to obey. So I sat with my friend once more and asked "God please find me the full funding to attend Jessup, and change my mothers heart so that she would sign this paperwork without too much fighting?" That night I called my mother and mentioned the financial aid aspect and without fighting she agreed to look into getting a pin number. 

I cannot say these past few months have been easy, but I can tell you that they have been exciting and a story worth telling! So, step one to living boldly – pray boldly! Prayers are the desires of the heart. If your prayers are mundane and safe, your heart will be mundane and safe. Take a risk, thrive on some adrenaline and realize that the possibility of injury is what makes life exciting! So maybe it would be safer to not jump off the bridge into the freezing water below, but life would be a lot more interesting if you did jump! Lesson one: bold means risky, so living boldly means living risky!