I have a confession to make: I disliked Christmas. Actually, I loathed it. My memories of the holiday are riddled with fighting, tension, and overwhelming sadness. Christmas decorations made me cringe. Christmas music made me want to flee. In fact, I hated Christmas so much that the thought of the quickly approaching holiday sent me into numerous panic attacks. I could rationalize that Christmas was going to be very different this year. I could reason that there would not be fighting or tension or misery engulfing me this year. But I couldn't believe it. Not in my heart.
In the beginning of November, my friend mentioned that she really wanted to go to Disneyland for her birthday. My wing-mates, being the crazy spontaneous and awesome people they are, jumped right on board. So it was settled, the first weekend of December (a.k.a last weekend) we decided that we would road trip the 8 hours to Los Angeles for the weekend and hit up the fantastic world of Disney.
Now, for those of you who have ever been to Disneyland during the holidays, you know that Disneyland in December is Christmas-palooza and therefore my worst nightmare. I worried about going, fretted how my body would react, worried about ruining the trip for my friends.... but I decided I would go anyways. So Friday afternoon rolls around, our car is packed, the food conveniently located for snacking purposes and my last class of the day is finally over. We spend the next 8 hours blaring music, licking our cheetoh-orange fingers and chatting. We arrive at one of my wing-mate's house, meeting up with our friend's and, being girls, we talked until late that night.
The next morning we woke up "early", ate our breakfast, and headed to that magical place. Upon entering the park, a giant Christmas tree, decked with ornaments and lights and fake snow, greeted us. I, as a whole, dismissed it from my thoughts and instead focused on the awesomeness of being in Disneyland. We had dedicated ourselves to staying until after Fantasmic, a show Disneyland puts on at night after fireworks. As night time approached, we headed towards a giant castle decked out with lights. We found a seat close to the line for "It's a Small World After all" to watch the fireworks. As we settled ourselves amongst the crowd a song came over the many speakers. A princess sounding voice quieted the crowd. Fireworks exploded overhead. Flashes of color filled the night sky, illuminating the castle below it. It was a symphony of color and sound intermingling with one another, beautifully choreographed. As the show came on, snow was expelled and "Believe in Holiday Magic" started to play. The song was a challenge. It dared those to remember the ideal-ness of life, to remember the magic of the holidays. As the words to the song penetrated me, the castle lights turned back on and the snow fell around me, I recalled my own Christmases. They haven't been good. There is good reason for me to have feared Christmas. But no longer. I told myself when I left Colorado that I was reclaiming Christmas for my own, but the truth is, I was afraid of Christmas. Now, I am rewriting my memories.
My first Christmas memory is the sight of a giant Christmas tree, full of ornaments, lights, and fake snow. It stands in the center of a town square and greets all visitors. Garlands, lights and bows, wrap themselves around street lamps and shops. Wreaths hang over cross sections. My first Christmas memory is holding my friends hand while bright flares color the sky. It is sitting in a boat, traveling around "the world" while little puppets sing various Christmas carols. It is a giant castle lighted in just the right way so that the white light bulbs hang down the turrets looking like icicles. I cannot wait to see what new Christmas memories my friends and I create together! I am so excited for this new holiday!
To my fellow Grinches, I'm sure you have a reason for it. I'm even quite certain that it is entirely justified. I understand. But my question for you is what are you doing to change it? I spent so long running I forgot that life and holidays are what you choose to make them. I have chosen to make mine magical, pun intended, and I would hope that you would consider making yours magical too. Christmas is a truly beautiful time. It is my hope and prayer that you might have but a moment to experience that beauty!
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