Step Sixty-One: The Gift of Receiving Presence

Dear Readers,

This Christmas I learned a very hard lesson. I learned about the gift of receiving. Not just receiving presents but the gift of receiving presence. I learned a while ago the importance of graciously receiving another person's gifts. Of accepting that they genuinely wanted to share with you, to enjoy something with you. It wasn't natural to me, but I have gotten the hang of it. This year, however, I had to learn something much harder.

I am spending Christmas break with a friend's family. At first, it was hard. I missed my family and knowing what the traditions were. But more so, I felt that I was intruding. Make no mistake, my friend and her entire family have been nothing but inviting, they have given me no reason to feel anything but welcome. Yet, I felt acutely aware of one singularly daunting reality: this was not mine.

I was frustrated and discouraged. I wanted to have a good holiday, I wanted my friend and her family to have a good holiday. I just felt like there was something stopping me. As I explored this feeling of being blocked I came to a realization: I was not receiving. My friend's family had offered me every opportunity, they showered me with love and generosity. Up until this point I had been unable to receive that. I wanted it, I longed to let myself experience it, but I was afraid.

The problem, I found, was that in receiving the gift of their presence, in fully delighting in them, in who they were and what their hospitality had done for me I had to let my guard down. What I am saying is, in receiving the gift of presence, we must also give the gift of our presence.

It's terrifying, to let someone else meet you, to give them the option of delighting in you, or of rejecting you. It is a risk. But then, that is the purpose of this blog. To dare you. To challenge you. To prove to both you and to myself that risks are rewarding. I'm not denying it, sometimes we will be rejected. It will hurt and it will suck. But those moments, those rare and awesome moments, when you allow yourself to be fully and completely present with someone else, to be fully and completely delighted in by someone else... well the romantic in me can't help but think those moments are entirely worth it.