Sept Eighty: Simple Faith

Dear Readers,

Lately I've been busy. Not a bad busy, actually a very productive and healing busy. I've been hard at work pruning the weeds in my life with the Lord. A very complicated process that I am so grateful to be walking down. One I will continue to walk. However, last night I got a reminder of simple faith and simple joy. God is complicated, He is bigger than we could imagine. He is working in ways we can't even fathom. But God is also simple. He is beautifully simple. This is a fact I continually forget. Yes God is healer of my emotional turmoil. Yes that is an incredible and powerful thing. But God is also Lord of falling leaves. He is simply beautiful. This simplicity is one of the reason's I fell in love with Him.

Last night He reminded me of His simplicity. He reminded me of the joy it is to delight in Him.

Do you need to remember the simplicity of faith?

Step Seventy-Nine: Vibrant

Dear Readers,

I've mentioned before that I love the word vibrant. That it drips an infusion of beauty and life. It's so much more than a word for me, it's a lifestyle. It is bathed in boldness, full of color, spice, and well awesomeness. It is the "abundant life" that Jesus came to offer. My prayer, as of late, is that my life would be vibrant and, as many of you know, you should be very careful what you pray for, you might just get it.

Over labor day weekend, I had the opportunity to experiment with painting and while I am no expert in the concerns of art it gave me a new appreciation for this word that I love so much. To give you an idea I googled "vibrant paintings" here are a few of my favorites:

Kasey Taylor "Koi Lotus & Lily Pond Scene"

Mia's "Two Virgins"

Derek McCrea's "Japanese Cherry Blossom Flower Painting"

There is something unique to vibrancy that I hadn't really seen or appreciated before. The degree of vibrancy correlates directly to the degree of contrast. To put it another way, you cannot have light without darkness. Imagine if the Koi pond had been painted with a baby blue rather than the navy. It would still be a remarkable painting, illustrating skill and beauty, but it would not be breath-taking. It would not be vibrant.

You may have now gathered the point to which I am writing - if we are to have vibrant lives they cannot be purely light. We need contrast. We need the murky waters. I suspect, if your response is anything like mine, you don't find this the least bit comforting. I would challenge you,however, to re-evaluate your opinion of darkness.

Ecclesiastes 7:13-14 says this "Consider what God has done; who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other." You and I need to reconsider are biases in regards to darkness and pain. So often I think of pain as a means to an end. How many times do we say phrases like this "it's a growing experience" or "it will make you stronger/more beautiful" or "if you can just hold on/endure/stay strong". We cheat ourselves when we say this. We cheat ourselves out of the vibrancy that is our inheritance. Pain is not a means to the end. Pain is a vital part of vibrancy. To simply "endure" pain is to miss out on the vibrancy that is yours now.

So my challenge - no matter whether you are in a season of light or a season of darkness, be vibrant and rejoice!

Step Seventy-Eight: Just Ask Him

Dear Readers,

Don't be afraid to ask the Lord what He thinks of you, chances are He thinks more highly of you than you know.

My Sunrise Serenade

I love you.
My love stretches across the horizon
in hues of pink and purple
every day.
My love unfolds on petal's fringe
and in the morning lark's song.
My love surrounds you
each and every day.
It fills you more fully than the air you breathe.
With every beat of your heart,
my affection grows.
I love you more in this moment
than I have in any moment yet,
though it brings you to your knees,
though tears well in your eyes,
though you feel weak and weary
afraid to go on,
My love is with you.
It has NEVER left you.
It will endure
far longer than these trials you are facing.
It will persist long after
the dust of your bones have blown away.
I love you. You ARE my precious daughter.
You ARE captivating.
You ARE sweet.
You ARE wonderful.
I beg of you, dear child, open your eyes this morning,
watch as the sun kisses horizon’s lip,
watch while I paint you a sunrise serenade,
watch the colors spring to life
as they stretch across the dawn gray sky.
I beg of you, dear child, open your heart to me this day
I am longing to shower you with love
I am longing to have you dance upon my feet.
I beg of you, dear child, let me catch your tears.
You’ve been crying for so long,
let me wipe your tears away,
and return your sweet smile.
I love you. You are mine. I will never lose you.

Step Seventy-Seven: The Beauty of Darkness

Dear Readers,

I decided to get creative on you and write a blog inside a song. The song is entitled "Everything is Beautiful" by Anne Marie Boskovich.

"I would not be here tonight, if I had to choose."

How often I have thought these words,

how often I would have passed my cup,

exchanged it for something sweeter.

How often I would have exchanged darkness for light.

"It's always the bigger things in life, that seem to choose you."

"I'm buried in the questions, I can't find the answers."

Lost in the depths of my past,

searching for reasons that can't be found.

Sifting through the pain of my yesterdays,

"I close my eyes and listen, 'till I remember."

"Everything is beautiful, beautiful."

Beauty pours from my lovers mouth,

with the grace of shifting flames,

His glory dances in this darkness.

"If somewhere love exists, you can wrap your arms around it."

"Can you hear me now?"

I've felt so alone for so long

but I'm finally learning how to celebrate.

how to rejoice in His beautiful darkness.

"Close your eyes and listen until you remember."

"You don't need the answers."

Some answers can't be found,

some reasons don't exist,

but beauty dwells even in this darkness,

"Just close your eyes and remember."

"Everything is beautiful."

From bended knees, praises rise

illuminating darkness so that you may see

"Everything is beautiful here."

There is such beauty in darkness when what you see is open to interpretation.

Step Seventy-Six: A New Metaphor

Dear Readers,

I wrote this blog a few months ago. I felt very much like a pebble amongst a basket full of jewels. I waited patiently and hopefully, eagerly anticipating the moment I felt like a jewel amongst the jewels. A friend told me that this summer was making me into a jewel amongst a basket full of jewels. In this moment, God gave me a new metaphor. I am a pebble but I am a pebble in the hand of God and that is far better than any jewel in a basket.

Jewels are stones. We forget that but they are. Size wise they are actually pebbles themselves. They sparkle a bit more than the average pebble but that's all. There is nothing about a jewel that gives itself value. A jewel gets it's value by being bought. A jewel left unpaid for in a basket is worth as much as any other pebble.

I became a jewel 6 years ago. 6 years ago I looked at a wooden cross hanging in our church and I said yes. I was bought back. I was bought as a very expensive pebble. God gave His only son to buy me back. Though I did not sparkle, though I was not radiant, I became a jewel in that moment. It was finished then. I could not become worth more, I could not be valued higher. I was, at that moment, all I could be.

The beauty of our Savior is that He allows a pure and holy God to pick up defiled pebbles and turn them into jewels.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Step Seventy-Five: Praise Him for He is Faithful

Dear Readers,

God is faithful. He is faithful to provide, faithful to protect, faithful to love. I often need reminding of this but He is even faithful to remind.

This has been my breath of life and constant hope lately: God is faithful. Though I am afraid, though I am hurting, though it is dark all around me, God is faithful. He is faithful to use my fear, He is faithful to heal my hurt, and He is faithful to shine in even the darkest nights.

This doesn't make things easier, but it gives it purpose. It is liquid courage and keeps me going when all else fails.

So I praise Him. I praise Him in fear, I praise Him in hurt, and I praise Him in the middle of the night when nightmares pursue and terror triumphs. Praise Him for He is faithful.

Step Seventy-Four: The Traveling Companion

Dear Readers,

Years and years ago I asked a friend to recommend a good book. I can't remember if it was a good book in general or a good book for a bible study but she recommended Hinds Feet on High Places. Now, when I first read the book I absolutely hated it. I seem to do this with a lot of good-for-your-soul-makes-ya-think books. I hate them at first and then God uses them and upon returning to them I fall in love with them. Hinds Feet on High Places tells the story of how Much Afraid comes to join the Good Shepard in the High Places. Thinking back on it, I don't honestly know why I hated it because I realize now - THAT IS MY STORY! Now, of course, I've re-read the book a hundred times and read it to myself (and to friends) to find comfort.

In the book, Much Afraid is joined by Suffering and Sorrow to be her traveling companions. The powerful, loving Shepard plants a thorn in Much Afraid's heart (a seed of love to come) and then sends her into the desert with Suffering and Sorrow. Now I don't know about most of you but I objected, strongly. What kind of love is that?! You can excuse it as making her stronger (which they do), you can justify it as being a necessary act of discipline (which it was), you can even explain it away by saying God's ways are above ours (which it is). Even with all those, I still can't say I understand that to be the action of a loving God. A loving God does not wound His daughter and send her into the desert miserable and lonely.

And then I came to the only conclusion I could - God is a God of suffering and sorrow. Now before you fear He smites me while I write, let me say that I have a deep love for the Lord. I believe that He is a good and loving father who works for the good of those who love Him. Praises could flow from my mouth to fill the ocean and still would not be praise enough to declare the greatness of God! In fact, I truly believe that God being a God of suffering doesn't take away from Him but adds to His greatness! A loving Father doesn't allow His daughter to wonder the desert wounded with strangers. He goes with us. I believe the greatest gift of Jesus's sacrifice is that God may become the very embodiment of suffering and sorrow. He who is whiter than white, purer and pure, He whose very presence cleanses becomes one of the stickiest, messiest, and darkest parts of humanity. He who sits on Holy Throne is able to dwell within the mire of the Earth and that, my friends, is grace.

I've encountered grace many of times but I have never grasped the depth of grace (and never really will). This summer I got to glimpse the depths of His grace in MY life. In the process of spring cleaning my soul, God has brought back up some memories. Memories of things I've done and things I've been wronged by. Memories that have shaken me to my core, made me question everything I am. Burdened by these memories, I asked God to reveal himself. He did. He stepped into my darkest moment, the worst of my bad memories, and He touched me.

Imagine you at your absolute worst. Those moments when you feel absolutely disgusting. When you look at yourself and what you've done and you feel like throwing up. Imagine the moment that makes you feel the most ashamed, the most defiled. That moment you probably haven't ever told anyone else about (if you can help it). Imagine yourself there and then picture the Holy of holies touching you. Imagine His hands holding your head, His pure and holy lips kissing your forehead, you whose soul is naught but tar. This is what I felt. In a moment when I felt so absolutely disgusting I was POSITIVE that no one could ever even look at me again... in a moment when watching my own memory made me feel like crawling out of my own flesh to escape myself... God is holding me.

A good God does not touch the violated. A good God does not bridge the chasm between the blameless and the faulty. In fact, by his very nature, a good God cannot be anything but good. Thankfully, God is no where near as fond of that adjective as humans are. God is God. He is the "I am." He is not limited to good. He, in the nature of being, may travel with us through all things. He may be Suffering and Sorrow for us.

And so, I believe, God walks with us. It isn't about His being a good God. That was never His intention. I do not believe God ever aimed for winning the number one God award, I don't even know that He minds when we're angry with Him. I think His goal from day one has been simply to be with us. In moments of great joy and in moments of great sorrow. He is a God who pursues. He is our constant traveling companion, even in the desert when we feel the most deserted.