Perhaps it is coincidence that I etch this blog into existence at this time, with the American season of thanks rolling upon us, but regardless of it's timing, I urge you all to consider it's importance.
Life is great. It's wonderfully fantastic and it seems that with each breath, I grow in leaps and bounds. It truly is as if I have taken a crash course in life. As I sat reflecting on this growth, a realization dawned on me: I lost my home a year ago this week. Wow! What a drastic difference! Let me illustrate:
Last October was probably the one of the hardest months of my short-lived life. By this time, it was an inevitable fact that my family was losing their home in November. I was already stressed with attempting to get a 4.0 while simultaneously taking Physics, Chemistry, and Trigonometry, and then I had to pack. I also was struggling with figuring out where I was to live. My uncle and cousins (who had been living with us) had their own apartment, my sister and brother were going to live with my father, and my mother was going to live with my grandmother and great grandmother. This left me. I was confused, not for lack of options, but because of the abundance of complications. How was I to get to school, where was I to sleep, what was best for my family, what was least burdensome on those who took me in. At times throughout the month I felt so discouraged and so despondent to the many complications of living with someone the thought of homelessness was appealing. I could handle showering in the girls locker room, I couldn't handle the massive influx of details to the already crappy situation. The entire month of October was riddled with stress and pain. Discouragement and fear layering each moment, anxiety coats my memory, even now, like a thick coat of paint. I could not imagine surviving the loss of our home, much less making it to college. It all seemed so fruitless.
Needless to say, I survived. In fact, I thrived. November was probably one of the best months of my life. For the friends I decided to stay with were so uplifting, so encouraging, and so restorative. They gave me a foundation of love and support with which I could face the death of my grandmother, the unexpected (but never unwanted) pregnancy of my sister, and my conflict with the church in the coming months. In fact, November was the highlight of my senior year, which was riddled with fears and doubts and loss.
As I sat, praying and remembering I had to give thanks. A year ago, I lost my home. The place where all my memories took place, where my family grew up, and the place I returned to each and every night. I thought this would destroy me. Who can survive that kind of loss? This idea of home and security is kind of important to our existence. Now? I have a wonderful new home, where His name is praised and lifted high, where women and men come together and love each other in a way that is so genuine and so real, you cannot help but be amazed. A year ago, my heart felt shrunken and discouraged. It hardly felt like it was beating at all. Grief, anger, and terror weighed it down. Now my heart is thriving, it feels so large, at times, I don't believe my chest can contain it. It is free to soar, free to love, and free to be.
So where are you today? Are you in a place of great joy or great sorrow? Either way I urge you to look back, to find a time when things were different and remember that this is temporary. And then? As hard as it may be, go with Thanksgiving. Regardless of the circumstances of your life, God is faithful. Regardless of how it feels or what it looks like, God is good. And regardless of your desires, God is worthy. So remember and give thanks.
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