Step Thirty-Three: Take a Detour or Two

Dear Readers,

When facing change I find myself doing the same thing: reflecting. I ask myself how I got to this point. I ask myself what detours I took to get to these exact cross roads. As I am preparing for college, preparing to go out on my own for the first time, I find myself thinking about how I got here. It is a strange and squiggly path, but then anyone attempting to get from suicide to life that is rich and full of color and passion probably has to walk a strange and squiggly path. 

I look at the bends in my path, the curves, the times I failed or succumbed. The times I walked backwards rather than forwards. The times I was so lost I just quit walking. Each of these mistakes, each miscalculation, is a detour. So why would I advise you to get lost, to screw up? Because inevitably human nature dictates that you will, and when you do, I want you to see those detours and to realize you have an amazing opportunity in front of you. You can forever alter the path you are taking. You can take a whole new one. What freedom! In getting lost, in screwing up, we can be made anew! We can be redeemed! 

Most of my life I spent traveling towards an early death. Cutting before I was in junior high, suicidal by the time I did enter junior high. Oh yes. This was the path I was walking. It took a failed suicide attempt before I chose to follow a different path. I had to fail to find life. 

So are you facing detours? Is your life not going as planned? That's okay! Frustrating? Yes, but still okay. Use this moment to rewrite it. Use it to find a new path or even just to correct the one you're walking. Remember, failure and mistakes are not the end all to be all, sometimes they are even life giving. This is my prayer for you all, that when you find that detour, when you realize you have failed or that you are discontent you will use it to make things better, for yourself and for those whom your life touches.