Step Thirty One: Don't Hold Anything Back

Dear Readers, 

I was riding home with a friend and her almost three year old daughter, Pocohantas blaring in the background, talking, when I realized I had found my newest blog post. 

We had spent the day together and I had seen her diffuse arguments, respond with endless patience, blast disney princess and veggie tale songs while singing along. I watched her prepare lunch, dinner, and hold a screaming child and on the way home while she and her daughter are singing some goofy song about fashion being more than just the clothes you wear. I could not help saying "you are an amazing mom!" (Because she is!) She laughed and thanked me for saying so, her usual modest response. But it got us talking about my future and Jessup and how while both of us are super excited for the change the actual implementation and the distance terrify us, so we aren't thinking about it. Perhaps she sprinkled a dash of boldness in my mashed potatoes (which were delicious) but once more I just said what was on my mind, " I need you." This lead us to a discussion on the awesomeness of God. (Don't try and find logic in our conversations, we aren't really the logical type... they don't really flow or fit together... they just kind of are). I said something that I realized should be the next step to living bold. 

God loves so freely, He holds nothing back. He never worries that He will overwhelm us with His emotions, or that we will not be able to handle it. His thoughts, feelings, heart, mind and soul are all out on the table. This is the way I want to live my life. I don't want to hold anything back. I want to lay it all on the line. Telling my friend she is a great mom is a perfect example. Normally, I would worry that she would take it the wrong way or be overwhelmed by my affection for her. Telling her I need her – that is totally taboo. I don't "need" anyone out loud. But telling her was totally worthwhile. It was intense and I wasn't sure how she would react, but it made her smile. I like to think it in some way affirmed her heart, encouraged her. (Mind you, I haven't actually asked her, so this is me assuming). 

I know that living without holding back will take time and practice, but even knowing that I have made a choice in taking a step in that direction is absolutely freeing. Now I'm not saying you should say the first thing that pops into your mind because often times we think stupid things we don't mean, but when it comes to matters of the heart, matters we have thought out and know are not going to change we should express those. We should allow our love to shape itself after our Lord's. Hold nothing back. Lay it all on the line. Rejection is a possibility. Actually, rejection is a reality, but you might also be surprised by people's responses. Sometimes, they need you too. = ) 

My thought for tonight. Hopefully my sweet friend doesn't mind my using her as inspiration. Love you dearly friend!